Health Update X (Livin' on a Prayer...and cupcakes)

Soldiers,

Well, tomorrow is the LAST round of this cocktail of drugs. *APPLAUSE* I am so happy and relieved. I think a cupcake celebration might be in order. It feels like an accomplishment to be through one phase of treatment. Please remember those prayers and positive vibes tomorrow with a special intensity...the theme is ‘the incredible shrinking Cindy”.

Round three was hard. I basically slept for four days straight following it. Like all the others every day was a little easier and as of today I again feel basically normal. It’s surreal; I don’t feel like a sick person. I feel like a healthy young woman, but chemo makes me understand what it must be like to be an old woman. I want to do things, emotionally I feel young and energetic but my body tires easily. My friend E.W. asked me to describe chemo to her recently. Here is what I told her:

It's totally cool to ask me questions about chemo, and whatever. You can of course read my *ahem* *cough* Blog entries about it...but upon looking them over I realize I have not really described the actual process in any great detail. It's really yucky and scary actually. You go to the treatment room which is entirely open. There are recliner style chairs all over with a flat screen TV mounted to the ceiling above and those hospital bed style changers if you want to watch TV while you are there. You are surrounded by other people receiving chemo at the same time, so there are techs, nurses and volunteers all over the place too. There are chairs available for visiting family or other support people. The nurse then comes over and makes sure you are warm and hydrated, because these are the best vein conditions...not because they want you comfy! (Kidding, they are very attentive to your emotional and physical comfort) Then, an IV is put in, and I am given anti nausea meds first. Then, they give me two different drugs, one that is done in an I.V. drip, and the other that is done as a 'push', where the nurse actually sits with four syringes and pushes the drug into the I.V. by hand. This one is red in color, and it's the really really nasty one. It can damage your veins and surrounding tissue, it can have a toxic effect on your heart, it's the one that makes your hair fall out, etc etc. It's really scary. I am to say something immediately if I feel any kind of burning or painful sensation when they start that one.

The whole process takes about an hour. You can drink and eat during it if you want and the volunteers often offer to bring you things.

Just thinking about it gives me the creeps. I dread it every day leading up to it. It's psychological; I am the kind of person that strives to only put really healthy, good things into my body. So for me, knowing that this is stuff that kills cancer, while coming up just short of killing you is very hard for me to stomach.

I've had people say to imagine that it is in there burning and killing the cancer cells...that helps some. But mostly I am counting the days for it to be over. I am keeping my eye on the prize. I took my health for granted...I never will again.

I know that chemo can be different for every person. Some get it in pills, and topically etc. Treatments are individualized on the kind of cancer, how progressed, and the patient. I was reading a blog on NPR that a man with cancer writes. I had to stop reading (specifically the feedback comments) because it was scary and depressing. This man has chronic, untreatable pain because of his cancer. Someone else said that they too suffer from this because of treatment. The fact that my side effects have been very manageable so far makes me very grateful, and I keep reminding myself that I am far from finished here. I have a long way to go yet.

Everything else is going well. The exercise study continues to be great. This week I started interval training which I thought was going to really kick my butt; instead it turned out to be really fun and engaging. Acupuncture with Ken is awesome. I told him about J.K’s Star Wars parody and he revealed to me that he and his family are huge ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ fans. He asked me to send him the spoof emails and he thought they were really funny. I had a session with him last week and have one tonight because as he said “We want you strong for Wednesday”. He said that over all my “Chi” is very strong. (This is good in Chinese medicine, btw!)

I did have a little scare last week on Thursday. I was home resting and waiting for a friend to come visit and I discovered I was running a fever. I called the hospital and talked to Dr. Shaw’s nurse who interrogated me about symptoms of an upper respiratory infection or a UTI. I did not really have anything like that going on so she recommended I take 3 ibuprofen and call her if I felt any worse. That seemed to knock it out and I have felt fine since. I have to be very wary of the risk of infection and I should be a lot better about the chemo rules on social touching; kissing/hugging/shaking hands…I should really be limiting all of that right now. It’s hard because I am very affectionate.

In other news my very good friend J.C. (not J.K. of ‘Mammary Wars” fame) came to visit me this past weekend. It was AWESOME. He drove here on Friday from PA (about an 8 hour drive) and we jammed as much into about 2 days as possible before he went back on Sunday morning. He and I have been friends for 15 years...half my life. He kept me laughing and we went for a walk on the Eno with my dogs, went to see “Tron” and “Apocalypse Oz” at the Carolina, we went to a theater benefit, and out to eat several times. We caught up and reconnected and he teased me relentlessly all weekend…and he serenaded me with “Psycho Killer” on his ukulele. It ruled!

Also, I feel like I can now officially let everyone know that A.M. and I are back together. He has asked me to officially request that the friends and family who have been hating on him for me to give him another chance. He’s a good guy! I’m really happy that we are giving this another try. I love him very dearly.

I am sure everyone is very curious to know how it’s going with my Ipod...well I think we are becoming fast friends. I say “hmmmm...I really think that what I need is every Bon Jovi power ballad ever” and the Ipod says “Here you go! Now try not to belt out “Livin’ on a Prayer” in the middle of a crowded room b/c no one else can hear it, okay?” I am going to use my next round of Target gift cards from the study to get me one of those super sexy armbands. Then me and Bon Jovi and the Ipod can really get around in style. Watch out!

To those who are making me food...next week would be a good time to resume. I really appreciate you taking a break. My freezer is no longer in danger of giving up the will to live, or turning in its two week notice in a huff. Thank you! Please remember that I can’t do spicy right now. I mean, I can eat it and while I am thinking “Mmmm this is tasty” I am also thinking “aaaaahhhh it hurts!!!”. It’s ridiculous! At the benefit on Sat they had an open bar, and because I got the green light from Dr. Shaw to have the occasional glass of wine I ordered a red wine. Every sip was like pure hell…it made my whole mouth sting and my throat and stomach burn. It’s back to room temp water and hot tea for me. I can’t do carbonated either; same deal with the burning from throat to stomach. *whine* A.V. at work asked me if I can have any vices and I told her yes...dark chocolate! I always keep some handy. It was on my list of foods the hospital recommended so it’s really for my health!

“Oh, were half way there...take my hand and we’ll make it I swear!”

I salute you.

Love Fabulous Love,

M.J.