Wednesday, September 26, 2007
A special feature....
Compliments of my dear friend J.K. (who does not look German....)
Two 'very slightly' fictionalized accounts of my travails below for your reading pleasure!
M.J.,
I just wanted to say that I am enjoying the health updates, and as a fan of Roman numerals, I appreciate the numbering. But I think you're failing to tap into the full potential of these narratives. If I were you I'd spice it up a bit. Here's an example:
MAMMARY WARS:
Episode VI
(Begin scrolling text here)
Princess PadM.J. of the Durham system had been captured by the insidious Darth Cancer. But PadM.J. refused to give in to evil or despair, heroically sacrificing her energy and blood to aid the science-loving race known as the Oncologists, stating, "If anything good can come out of my capture..." Breaking with her original allies, the Tarheelians, PadM.J. fell in with a ragtag band of rebels known as the Bluedevilites, who utilized their advanced technology to determine whether the Tarheelians had, unbeknownst to the Princess, begun to transform her into a cyborg from the inside out. Bloodletting ensued throughout the galaxy, and PadM.J. struggled to maintain consciousness. But a spectral voice called out to her in the darkness: "PadM.J., use the Juice."
Despite her capture, the Rebel Alliance was able to smuggle sustenance to PadM.J. Gratefully, the Princess promised that one day she would commission Mon Calamari Cruisers for them all. Undaunted, PadM.J. marshaled her followers near and far, and bravely looked ahead to her next trial, a covert mission known as Operation: Chemo. The objective: total shrinkage of Darth Cancer. Her final words before embarking: "Can we do it, troops? Much love to you all and a smart, military salute!"
See? Wouldn't that be cool?!!!
Love you,
J.K.
And then, the next thrilling episode, as the saga continues....
I must admit that although I appreciate parody, referring to the bad guys as the 'Shit Lords' sounds a little bit like some terrible side effect that I DID NOT divulge in my emails....how did he know? Ha!!
MAMMARY WARS
Episode VII
The Rule of Two was in effect, and the dread Lord Cancer had an apprentice: DARTH CINDY!!! As Phase II of Operation: Chemo commenced, Princess PadM.J. ran to escape the grasp of the Shit Lords. She felt the effects as the battle took its toll on her body and soul. PadM.J. lamented, “I once did the Farmers Market run in twelve parsecs, but this time was noticeably harder than the last time.”
But the Rebel effort was undeterred. Recruits like E.B. and the mysterious, unnamed Woman Who Beat Cancer in Her Thirties rushed to PadM.J.'s side. One of her staunchest allies was the sage Yogini, who welcomed PadM.J. into her humble abode: “Special meditations for you I have… Focus on the lower body you should… Then, to Twisted Noodle we will go.”
Troubling visions stirred PadM.J.’s sleep, but through it all, she continued to brave her trials. And soon she encountered once again the ghostly form of Ken-Obi the Acupuncturist. “PadM.J., don’t give in to the dark side; without stagnation there is no pathology,” he offered. Along with bone broth, PadM.J. discovered an interesting new substance which she could convert to energy; though its original name may be lost to antiquity, the natives called it… Hotdog.
PadM.J.’s fate remained undetermined, but her hope did not waver: “I know that once I am done here, good things await. Freedom from illness and freedom from fear.”
Health Update IX (Wherein Princess M.J. becomes a zombie)
Chemo round three is over (ding....*pant pant*...ding). I am so so happy to be almost done with this round of drugs. They are the hardest ones with the scariest possible side effects. Dr. Shaw's nurse was all smiles and good news. Tumor is still shrinking, all my labs were strong, and she was very happy to see that my side effects have been minimal and have not been impairing my ability to work. E.H., my co-worker/friend T.H.'s wife, went with me today. She is a Duke Cancer Clinic guru and knew her way around the place effortlessly. She was full of advice, and personal stories of her own, and she kept 'mothering' me which was really sweet. The nurse I had today was okay...she made me a little edgy. She kept complaining that she was having her 'Monday' and while I was chatting with her she suddenly leapt up out her chair and started to seriously fuss over the IV machine, which gave me a moment of anxiety thinking that something was going awry. It was, but not in a way directly harmful to me. She had hooked the anti-nausea meds up wrong and they were dripping onto the floor instead of into me. She ordered another bag and things went on pretty much as normal.
The exercise study is also still going well. I did another evaluation on the K-Lab bike (wearing the big clunky helmet again...fun!) and I was able to pedal a full stage higher than when I began. Now I am doing work outs at a higher resistance, and soon I will start doing interval training which is where your butt really gets kicked. I really enjoy the bike, and I am considering a membership at the Center For Living, or any gym that has bikes with the Watts control on them after this is done. I've never done any kind of resistance exercise before and I have really enjoyed it.
Acupuncture yesterday was cool as hell, as always. Ken does his thing, and mutters and talks while he works and says things I don't remotely follow. He discovered I did not need work on an area he called "Kidney 9" and he kept shaking his head in wonder and laughing with delight about it. I finally asked him to explain and he said that my body is detoxing so efficiently that he did not need to help it. He attributes it to the bone broth which helps the liver. Near the end of the session he wanted to get a spot on my head, so I took my scarf off. He got really quiet as he read the tattoo, and said very softly "That's wonderful....not many people get to see that, thank you." It was very touching. The acupuncture has been by far my favorite treatment. It's encouraging, uplifting, interesting; I feel like I am in a whole other world there and being exposed to a school of thought that is at the same time completely intuitively correct to me, and completely radical. He advised me again to eat hot breakfasts....no more cereal!
A note on acupuncture. My friend H.W. asked me to make sure it is okay to have needles stuck into the tumor. Ken never puts a needle anywhere near the cancer site, and never would. This is an area of some controversy in the medical world. Some people believe that this could help cancer spread, but it's unfortunately the only way to get samples to diagnose. He palpates my organs and looks for areas of tightness and based on that he puts needles in trigger points on my legs, arms and hands mostly, and few other random places (back of the head, stomach, back etc). This aids these organs in doing their jobs more efficiently. Then he treats the cancer site as I have explained in the past. Then he makes dietary and supplement recommendations based on where I am overall. It's all steeped in Chinese medicine which is a very different over all philosophy to Western medicine.
Today I am tired. I got home and took a nice long nap, and I will go to bed early tonight. Tomorrow I get a Nuelasta shot and so long as I don't feel like I got hit by a truck I'll go into work. If this goes like it did last time I'll feel mostly myself tomorrow, but the real fatigue will set in on Friday and last for a few days. Hopefully the bone broth will continue to keep that at a minimum. If this past week is a litmus test, I think it will.
My Uncle had a funny about the bone broth: EWWWWYUCK!!!! You sound like zombie girl .. bone broth .. ;) , no seriously it makes sense and great that it is helping but they could give it a classier name like ......... Elixir of Life or Pollijuice Potion....... makes you sound like a zombie, searching the night for Bone broth juice to suck out of peoples wrists and knee caps .......
Then he sent me this pretty picture:
My Uncle is possibly solely responsible for 90% of my sense of humor, and my love of really tacky, awful horror flicks. Yay!!
Just one more round of these drugs....just one more. I am so happy about that. Then it looks like it will be 12 weeks of another round of drugs, that are easier for the body to manage.
That is all for now my beautiful army.
I salute you.
Love Fabulous Love,
M.J.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
chemo day 3 tomorrow
It’s that time again….time for you to warm up your good thoughts and prayers. Please send them my way tomorrow as I embark on chemo round three (ding ding!).
Some good news and general random thoughts to share: I had an appointment today at Duke for another ultrasound on the tumor. Several good things occurred: First, the intake nurse made very enthusiastic remarks about how good I looked. She said she remembered me from a previous appointment and thought I looked better now than I did then. She said "your eyes are bright, you look great!" I am attributing this to adding bone broth to my daily diet last week, although I should also note that I have started doing my yoga set almost every day, as well as morning and evening meditation and I started taking enzymes last week. But, Ken told me that he has had cancer patients who had to stop doing chemo because they were too sick and after they started doing acupuncture and eating bone broth they ended up healthier at the end of chemo than they were before they started it....which is ridiculous and amazing! So, I think that is the primary factor at work. And I'm feeling amazingly good…. the difference in my energy and general perkiness is dramatic. Last Monday I had to ask my neighbor S.P. to take my garbage to the curb for me; this week I have gotten every little chore done that I wanted to with no undue fatigue. It's great!
The doctor doing the ultrasound said the tumor looks smaller still, and that she was having a hard time finding its edges, so it is also less defined. (I can hear Cindy's horrible shrieks.....they make me laugh gleefully) She thinks another MRI might be in order because she was having so much trouble getting a clear picture. Keep those prayers and good thoughts coming! Dr. Shaw's theory so far has not failed!
I need to respectfully and gratefully request that the overflowing food tap be turned to the right for a little bit....my freezer is JAMMED with food right now. I also need to ask that no one put any spicy things in my food right now...and man do I hate having to ask that because I love spicy food. However, I now get instant heart burn if something is spicy. =( The food everyone has made me is wonderful! I had no idea I worked with so many good cooks! I also have an obnoxious amount of tupperware building up in my possession. I have been pondering ways to unload it....I mean, I could 'give it back' to everyone I suppose. But I had this brilliant business venture occur to me. I was thinking that maybe I could get 10 of my friends to sell it for me...and they each in turn could get 10 of their friends to sell it for them...everyone who has people under them will make more money, just as long as they have no qualms with asking family and friends to become business partners. That's always a good idea! Who better? Cancer has given me great business acumen. I am going to be RICH after this is over pursuing my 'name that tumor' and 'get 10 of your best friends to sell your stolen extra tupperware brilliant business venture!!’ I think that will be the name of my company; I think I will keep it in italics. There is just something about italics, you know? Something that makes words have more, I don't know....emphasis. Maybe in my business letters when I am really adamant I could put things in all caps, bold faced, underlined, hot pink and use at least 3 exclamation points. Let me try it out:
EMPHASIS!!!
How did that make everyone feel?
In other news: Members of my former department at work went together last week and purchased me an Ipod, along with $150 gift certificate for downloading. I FREAKING LOVE IT!!! My gadget geek has come out full blast.(sucks spit through head gear, pushes up taped glasses, adjusts pocket protector) I was experimenting last week with getting up at 3:30 am to take this enzyme that has to be ingested on an empty stomach. It was backfiring on me b/c I would get up to take it and then not be able to fall back to sleep. Well...on one of these nights I kept lunging out of bed to write down the name of another song I want! It's a sickness! I had a vague inkling that something might be up when my old director called me...and when I got to her office the door was locked. When I knocked, it opened to a sea of people jammed into the room with this hilarious, excited air vibrating around them. I felt like the kid at a birthday party whose best friend got them something and they can’t wait for her to open it. I was overwhelmed, and I started to shake, and I could hardly talk. I am deeply touched by the gift. They said it was for me to use while on my exercise bike, and on my walks, and during chemo. They also put this hysterical card in it that reads "Tina was so tough her poodle skirt had a bulldog on it....your tougher" and almost everyone made some crack about 'Cindy sucks, but M.J. is great'. The gesture, the card; not only are they incredibly generous, but they make me feel heard. The people around me are reading my updates, laughing along with me at the pratfalls, and they are thinking 'how can we make this a nicer experience for her? I know! Let's get her a really cool toy!'
I now have Cindy to thank for two laptops and a boss daddy Ipod. (I can now download every episode of "This American LIfe" and listen to it on my walks...It even plays videos!...I can watch "Lost" while I sit in a waiting room...dork dork dork dork....*explode*)
I now want one of those super sexy armbands that I see other people who are jogging using to strap their ipods on while they exercise....my ipod shall make all other ipods spontaneously shatter in its presence. Especially once it is housed in its sexy arm band. It shall be the 'chosen' Ipod...I am terribly excited!! Can you tell? Maybe I need more exclamation points....!!!!EXCITED!!!!
Alright…this is long enough. Things are good. Life is good and beautiful and I feel really great. I am so happy and grateful for these things I am having a hard time repressing my mirth.
I salute you.
Love Fabulous Love,
M.J.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Pancreatic Cancer, Proteolytic Enzyme Therapy and Detoxification (Article from Ken at Oriental Health Solutions)
Excerpted with permission from the November 1999 Clinical Pearls News – for a free sample, call 916-483-1085.
Kirk Hamilton: What is your educational background and current position?
Nicholas J. Gonzalez: I graduated from Brown University, Phi Beta Kappa, Magna Cum Laude with a degree in English literature. I did my premedical work as a postgraduate student at Columbia University, and received my medical degree from Cornell University Medical College in New York. I subsequently completed a year of internship in internal medicine, and a fellowship in immunology.
KH: Where did you come up with the idea at all to use pancreatic enzymes in cancer and what is the theoretic mechanism?
NJG: I didn’t come up with the idea to use pancreatic enzymes to treat cancer. The Scottish embryologist, John Beard, who worked at the University of Edinburgh at the turn of the century, first proposed in 1906 that pancreatic proteolytic enzymes, in addition to their well-known digestive function, represent the body’s main defense against cancer. He further proposed that pancreatic enzymes would most likely be useful as a cancer treatment. During the first two decades of this century, a number of physicians, both in Europe and in the United States, used injectable pancreatic enzymes to treat advanced human cancer, often times (depending on the quality of the product) with great success. I have collected a number of reports from that time in the major medical journals documenting tumor regression and long-term survival in patients treated with enzyme therapy. In my first article, I mentioned that in 1911, Dr. Beard published a monograph entitled The Enzyme Therapy of Cancer, which summarized his therapy and the supporting evidence.
After Dr. Beard's death in 1923, the enzyme therapy was largely forgotten. Periodically, alternative therapists have rediscovered Dr. Beard's work, and used pancreatic proteolytic enzymes as a treatment for cancer.
I began researching the use of oral pancreatic proteolytic enzyme therapy as a treatment for cancer after completion of my second year at Cornell University Medical College in 1981. My research advisor at the time supported and directed my early work, and later supported me during my formal immunology fellowship. In terms of the theoretical foundation, the exact mechanism of action has never been demonstrated. After Beard’s death, the enzyme therapy was largely forgotten and certainly never generated any significant research effort until recently with the funding of my work. There are several studies from the 1960s showing, in an animal model, that orally ingested pancreatic enzymes have an anti-cancer effect, and might work through immune modulation, but these studies were preliminary and were never followed-up. Dr. Beard believed enzymes had to be injected to prevent destruction by hydrochloric acid in the stomach. However, recent evidence demonstrates that orally ingested pancreatic proteolytic enzymes are acid stable, pass intact into the small intestine and are absorbed through the intestinal mucosa into the blood stream as part of an enteropancreatic recycling process.
It is clear from our extensive clinical experience that pancreatic proteolytic enzymes have a profound anti-neoplastic effect, but we do not know how they work. We have not had the resources to support basic science research, but with appropriate funding we do not believe it would difficult to set up animal models to explore the molecular action of the enzymes against cancer cells.
KH: Why did you choose a vegetable-based diet, low in red meat and poultry, with a little fish and occasional dairy products?
NJG: We divide patients into different metabolic categories, depending on each patient’s particular genetic, biochemical and physiological make-up. In this model, patients with solid epithelial tumors, such as tumors of the lung, pancreas, colon, prostate, uterus, etc. do best on a largely plant-based diet. Such patients have a metabolism that functions most efficiently with a specific combination of nutrients that are found in fruits, vegetables, nuts, whole grains and seeds, and with minimal to no animal protein.
On the other hand, patients with the blood or immune based malignancies such as leukemia, myeloma and lymphoma do best on a high-animal protein, high-fat diet. Such patients do extremely well with a diet based on animal products with minimal to moderate amounts of plant based foods, the particular design of the diet again depending on the individual patient’s metabolic make-up. We find patients with pancreatic cancer always do best with a largely plant-based diet that emphasizes fruits, vegetables and vegetable juice, nuts, seeds and whole grains. Allowed protein includes fish one to two times a week, one to two eggs daily and yogurt daily, but no other animal protein. In our therapy, we use diets specifically because of the effect of food on the autonomic nervous system. This system consists of the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches and ultimately controls all aspects of our physiology, including immune function, cardiovascular activity, endocrine function and the entire action of our digestive system. The sympathetic and parasympathetic systems have opposing actions on the target organs and so can adjust our physiology depending on needs and demands, enabling our bodies to react to any situation, condition or stress. We believe disease, whatever the form, occurs because there is an imbalance in autonomic function. For example, we find solid tumors, such as tumors of the breast, lung, pancreas, colon, uterus, ovaries, liver, etc occur only in patients who have an overly strong sympathetic nervous system and a correspondingly weak, ineffective parasympathetic nervous system. We believe that blood-based cancers, such as leukemia, lymphoma and multiple myeloma, only occur in patients that have an overly developed parasympathetic nervous system, and a correspondingly weak sympathetic nervous system. Previous research, such as Dr. Francis Pottenger’s research during the 1920s and 1930s proposed that much if not all disease has autonomic imbalance as at least one of the major causes.
We have found that specific nutrients and foods have specific, precise and predictable effects on the autonomic nervous system. For example, a vegetarian diet emphasizes fresh fruits and vegetables, particularly leafy greens, and contains large doses of minerals such as magnesium and potassium. It has been shown in many studies that magnesium suppresses sympathetic function, while potassium stimulates parasympathetic activity. Furthermore, a largely vegetarian diet tends to be very alkalinizing, and the neurophysiologic research documents that in an alkalinizing environment, sympathetic activity is reduced and parasympathetic activity increased. So, whatever other effect a vegetarian diet has, in terms of autonomic nervous system function, such a diet will reduce sympathetic activity and stimulate the parasympathetic system.
A meat diet is loaded with minerals such as phosphorous and zinc, which tend to have the opposite effect. A high-meat diet stimulates the sympathetic system and tones down parasympathetic activity. Furthermore, such a diet is loaded with sulfates and phosphates that in the body are quickly converted into free acid, that in turn stimulates the sympathetic nervous system while suppressing parasympathetic activity.
So, by the careful use of diet, we are able to effect major changes in autonomic function, and bring about balance in a dysfunctional nervous system. We find, further, as the autonomic system comes into greater harmony and balance, when the autonomic branches are equally strong, all systems – from the immune system to the cardiovascular system – work better regardless of the underlying problem. In essence, we are using diet to bring about greater physiological efficiency. For cancer patients, long experience has taught us that it is not enough to load patients with enzymes; the question of autonomic imbalance must also be addressed. In terms of pancreatic patients specifically, a plant-based diet provides all the nutrients to correct autonomic dysfunction.
KH: Can you describe the vitamin and mineral supplement regimen you used? Was it megadoses or a basic nutritional support?
NJG: All of our patients, whether they have cancer or some other problem, consume specific combinations of vitamins, minerals, trace elements, amino and fatty acids, and animal-derived glandular and organ concentrates. We use such supplements very specifically, in very precise doses and combinations as we use diet, to manipulate autonomic function and to bring about balance to an imbalanced system. Certain vitamins, minerals and trace elements, such as many of the B vitamins and, as mentioned above, magnesium and potassium, tone down the sympathetic nervous system and stimulate the parasympathetic nerves. Other nutrients, particularly calcium, phosphorous and zinc, stimulate the sympathetic system but weaken the parasympathetic system. By the use of precise combinations of vitamins, minerals and trace elements, along with diet, we are able to bring about balance to the autonomic system. And, again, when the autonomic branches come into balance, the patients, whatever the underlying disease, do better.
KH: What is the role of coffee enemas in this particular treatment and what is the history of coffee enemas in traditional medicine?
NJG: When I first began my research efforts, I was very surprised to find that the coffee enemas, often portrayed as one of the most bizarre aspects of alternative medicine, came right out of the Merck Manual, a revered compendium of orthodox treatments. When I was completing my immunology fellowship, I had an interesting correspondence with the then editor of the Merck Manual, who confirmed that the coffee enemas had been advocated in the Merck Manual from about 1890 right up until 1977, when they were removed more for space considerations than anything else. Most nursing texts for the better part of the century recommend coffee enemas. Particularly during the 1920s and 1930s coffee enemas were used in the US and abroad to treat a variety of conditions, and I have put together a library of articles from that time discussing the wide ranging effects on patients. Coffee enemas were frequently recommended because patients, whatever their underlying problem, tended to feel better after a coffee enema. I have followed thousands of patients over the years who have done coffee enemas in some cases for decades: virtually all patients report an increase sense of well being. I have done them myself daily since first learning about them in 1981.
There is research going back to the earlier part of the century that indicated that coffee enemas stimulate more efficient liver function and gallbladder emptying, and we believe that is the primary therapeutic benefit. Particularly with cancer patients, who often have a very large tumor burden, as the body repairs and rebuilds and as tumors break down, enormous amounts of toxic debris can be produced, much of which must be processed in the liver. The coffee enemas seem to enhance this processing of toxic metabolic waste. Interestingly enough, in Hospital Practice (August 15, 1999 page 128), a very orthodox journal of internal medicine, I read a summary of an article showing coffee seems to enhance gallbladder and liver function.
KH: Is it possible that the positive effects from the coffee enemas are a result of a "caffeine high" versus a metabolic benefit?
NJG: The issue of a caffeine high is often raised. I don’t believe this is the case at all. First, patients almost universally report a relaxing effect, not the stimulation you find with coffee taken orally. Many patients, in fact, fall asleep while doing the enemas. I, myself, have never been able to tolerate drinking coffee because coffee, when drunk, causes in me an amphetamine like response. However, I always feel relaxed when I do a coffee enema and often fall asleep. Something completely different is going on with the enemas.
KH: Can you describe your study and the basic results?
NJG: In July 1993, the then Associate Director for the Cancer Therapy Evaluation Program at the National Cancer Institute, Dr. Michael Friedman, invited me to present selected cases from my own practice as part of an NCI effort to evaluate non-traditional cancer therapies. I prepared for presentation 25 cases with poor prognosis or terminal illness who had either enjoyed long-term survival or tumor regression while following my program. After the session, Dr. Friedman suggested we pursue a pilot study of our methods in 10 patients suffering inoperable adenocarcinoma of the pancreas, with survival as the endpoint. Because the standard survival for the disease is so poor, an effect could be seen in a small number of patients in a short period of time.
Nestec (the Nestle Corporation) agreed to fund the trial, which began in January 1994. The study has been completed and was published in Nutrition and Cancer, June, 1999;33(2). Of 11 patients followed in the trial, eight of 11 suffered stage four disease. Nine of 11 (81%) lived one year, five of 11 lived two years (45%), and four of 11 lived three years (36%). Two are alive and well with no signs of disease, one at 3.5 years and one at 4.5 years. In comparison, in a recent trial of the newly-approved drug gemcitabine, of 126 patients with pancreatic cancer not a single patient lived longer than 19 months.
As a result of the pilot study, the National Cancer Institute approved $1.4 million over five years for a large scale, randomized clinical trial comparing my nutritional therapy against gemcitabine in the treatment of inoperable pancreatic cancer. This study has full FDA approval and is being conducted under the Department of Oncology and the Department of Surgical Oncology at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center in New York. The trial is the outgrowth of a Congressional hearing last summer encouraging intensive government evaluation of promising alternative cancer treatments, and is currently up and running. We are accruing patients right now for the study, and interested patients can learn more about this study and its objectives from Michelle Gabay, in the office of Dr. John Chabot, M.D., Chief of Surgical Oncology at Columbia, phone (212) 305-9468.
KH: Were there any side effects to this high dose (130 and 160 capsules per day) of pancreatic enzymes? It seems like that would cause some significant gastrointestinal irritation.
NJG: The only side effects I have noticed in 12 years of treating cancer patients with high dose porcine-based pancreatic enzyme therapy are intestinal gas, occasional bloating, and occasional indigestion. Frankly, the side effects tend to be very minimal. The enzymes we use are made specially for my patients in New Zealand. I believe most pancreatic enzymes available either as a prescription or over the counter in health food stores are not effective against cancer. We actually had to develop a manufacturing process to produce what I think are the appropriate enzymes, and they are not available except to my patients. Until we prove the benefit of my work, I don’t think it is appropriate to mass market the enzymes. I also don’t think it appropriate for cancer patients to try and treat themselves.
KH: How compliant were your patients to this regimen?
NJG: Pancreatic cancer patients are notoriously medically unstable, and some patients in the study were so weak they had difficulty complying fully at times, although many of the patients did comply well. Generally, we find that the better the compliance, the better the effect of the treatment. Patients in the trial came from all over the country, and because our approach is still alternative, patients were not allowed to continue the treatment when hospitalized. In the Columbia study, all patients are going to be treated aggressively for underlying medical problems and will be encouraged to continue their therapy at all times.
KH: What would you like to see in the future with regard to evaluating this protocol as far as studies go?
NJG: As above, we are involved in a large scale, NCI-funded, FDA-approved randomized clinical trial at Columbia University.
KH: What feedback have you gotten from the traditional oncology community with regard to your work?
NJG: The attitude is changing; for example, I have sent you a very supportive article about my work that appeared in the magazine InTouch, a news style magazine that is sent to more than 90,000 orthodox physicians, including all oncologists in this country. The oncology newspaper Oncology News International had a very nice piece about my research efforts, and I have sent you a copy of that story. I have also sent a copy of a press release in support of our work sent out from Congressman Dan Burton, Chairman of the Committee on Government Reform.
Health Update VIII (Without Stagnation there is no Pathology) sent 9/18/7
So, here are a couple more silly notions that occurred to me last week: 1. Cindy the Tumor has the voice of the Wicked Witch, and every time I get chemo she shrieks horribly “I’M SHRINKING!!!! SHRIIII-III-NNKIIINNNGGGGG”. 2. You know how you can buy a star and name it after someone? I think I should start a business where cancer patients put their tumor up for auction so that people can then name it after their sworn enemies.
Now that you all have a bird’s eye view into my demented imagination…..
Chemo round 2 (ding ding!) has kicked my ass a little. My doc said that the fatigue builds on itself more than any other side effect, and this time was noticeably harder than the last time. This past weekend was full of fun activities, but after each one I had to rest up. I got up early Sat morning and took a walk, then took my Aunt to the Farmers Market, and when we got back from that I passed out until it was time to take my Gram and Aunt to the airport. Then in the evening a friend picked me up and took me to a party (where I saw the film “Robocop” for the first time ever…it was great!) and after a few hours I was again completely exhausted. On Sunday I went to church with my friend E.B. and afterwards I was approached by a woman who had been diagnosed and treated at the age of 33 with breast cancer. Talking to her made me cry (as does a lot of things lately…I find that I cry very easily these days. It’s not a bad thing; I am just much more emotionally fragile and emotionally moved than usual.) This woman just passed her 49th birthday, but she was able to talk to me about what her experience was like as a younger woman. What sticks out for me is how much treatment has changed even in just the past 20 years. After church I again had to go home and sleep. Then on Sunday evening my yoga teacher had me over to her house. She had prepared a set and some meditations specifically for me and my situation. They all have a ‘warrior woman’ and healing theme running through them, and she also focused them on the upper body since I am working the lower body so much with the Duke exercise study. She essentially did a one on one session with me, and then we went to Twisted Noodle and had dinner. (Slow service to start, but overall it was great!) Then, I went home and crashed. See a pattern?
The other thing I see as a pattern is food = fuel for me. While I was at church there was a festival going on and they were serving hot dogs. E.B. brought me one, and even though I was not feeling specifically hungry as soon as I ate it I felt 10 times better than I had the moment before. I have never experienced such an a + b = c connection to such basic needs as rest and food.
My hair is coming out now. I can literally reach up and grab a tuft of hair and tug it straight out of my scalp. It’s totally creepy. I asked E.P. to come to my house this week and give me another buzz cut. Even in just the past couple of weeks it has grown in considerably, so even this small amount of hair loss is pretty gross. The other weird side effect I noticed after both chemo’s is this sensation of my skin hurting. It is not like anything I have ever experienced before. It is literally sore. Both times that also passed in a day or two. Also, like the last one the fatigue seems to let up the farther out I get from chemo. Everyday away from it I feel better and more perky.
I had another acupuncture appointment of Monday. That has been too cool. Once again Ken would tell me to touch the cancer site, then he would find points and when he would insert the needle the tumor would become dramatically smaller and softer. He told me that the acupuncture allows for better blood circulation (because tumors have extremely poor circulation), and for this reason it aids any therapies you are employing against them. He told me that in Chinese medicine the only blanket statement they make on health is “Without stagnation there is no pathology”. He also started me on an enzyme called “protease” and sent me an article about a doctor who is working with terminally ill pancreatic cancer patients who is achieving an unheard of 50% cure rate with them using just enzyme therapy alone. It is amazing stuff…very over my head. He talks and after awhile I just start nodding and smiling. I will post the article on my blog space for anyone interested in reading it. Ken also let me know that I should be eating bone broth everyday. The lovely and amazing fellows at Piedmont (http://www.piedmontrestaurant.com/home.html local folks, you should patronize them!) made a bunch for me and as of yesterday I have been adding it to everything I’m eating. All of these efforts work to increase my red and white blood cell counts, and in general make me stronger, nourished and energetic enough to keep up this fight.
I had this dream over the weekend during one of my 100 naps. I was running in a race; I was running for a very long time and I was hot, thirsty and tired. The environment I was running through was odd; it was a crowded festival atmosphere and sort of indoors...like I was running past gym bleachers, crowds of people and booths etc, but on a large and wide scale. I realized at some point that I was very close to the end of the race and that I was going to be able to finish it. When I got to the end there was a small group of people there, all of whom had also finished the race. There was a slight sense of camaraderie, but it was overshadowed quickly by the realization that now that we were at the end of the race we were all expected to participate in a talent show. I was expected to have something prepared for this and suddenly my feeling of accomplishment went to one of great anxiety because I did not have something ready.
My friend E.B. did a Guided Journey with me this evening (sort of a mixture of meditation and talk therapy). She asked me at the beginning what my goal is and I told her “I want to be cured of cancer, have my life and its uncertain future back, and pursue all that I love with a total absence of fear for the rest of my life.” This dream felt analogous to that goal. Right now Cindy has the wheel; she is the center of attention. I want that control back; I want to go back to my biggest obstacle in life being the limits of my imagination and my drive. I feel like a kid who has learned her lesson, but I have to take my lumps now. But I know that once I am done here, good things await. Freedom from illness and freedom from fear. I'll be squirming in my seat until the bell rings.
When I am cured I am throwing the biggest damn party and you are all invited. When the party is over I will continue to celebrate with every day of my life.
I salute you.
Much Love,
M.J.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Re: at least 42 questions, (another great email between me and my doc)
So, here are some things on my mind:
1. I am getting my blood pressure taken a whole lot with the exercise study and recently it has gone down and stayed down noticeably. Of course the fitness guru's always say 'cool great!'. I also had another echo done yesterday for the study and the tech said something like "you definitely don't have heart disease" when he was done. BUT...of course I am still scared that this might be some indicator that the chemo is hurting my heart. Your thoughts?
2. TMI (except you are a doctor, so no such thing right?) my body hair is starting to fall out, but not the hair on my head....but this probably means my head is next, right?
3. My sister in law sent the following to me...I don't often take these things seriously but y'know....what do YOU think?
Subject: Drinking Bottled Water Kept in Your Car
This is interesting because it probably happen with sodas as well. This is how Sheryl Crow got breast cancer she was on the Ellen show and she said this same exact thing...The doctor said that the heat and the plastic of the bottle have certain chemicals that can lead to breast cancer. So please be careful and do not drink that water bottle that has been leftin acar and pass this on to all the women in your life.
4. I have been reading a bunch of things about how I should eat during treatment. The one that made the most sense to me was a diet that recommends tons of meat, dairy, cheese, grains etc. Essentially a 'bulk up' approach .Ken Moorehead at Oriental Health Solutions had read the same book and totally agreed. Then a woman from my church, H.W., who has worked in the Duke Cancer Clinic in many capacities and now volunteers there, emailed me and said that with my having a 'triple negative' tumor she recommended a low fat diet. She had even written an article on the subject.(she's a smarty pants PhD type too...gives her a lot of credibility to me)What do you think?
5. You had mentioned you could write me prescriptions for Acupuncture and Massage so I might see about getting it covered somewhat with my insurance. Think we could do that?
6. Finally.....What is the air speed velocity of a laden swallow?
I hope you have a great weekend!
Thanks,
M.J.
***Heathers Response Email***
M.J.,
1. I agree with the tech -- we would definitely see a change in your ejection fraction or "squeeze" on the echo. I would be more worried if your heart rate started to go up -- that is a very early indicator of Adriamycin related heart damage.
2. Unfortunately, all hair seems to come out in varying amounts. I hope that everywhere you had to shave has fallen out, at least! Your head hair should start falling out any day now.
3. Regarding plastic bottles and cancer risk: No individual person can know what environmental exposures might or might not have influenced their cancer. Phthalates are endocrine disruptors that may act as estrogen in cells. Most exposures come from PVC plastics, but they are pretty ubiquitous in our environment these days. Plastic bottles are mostly recycle #1, which is polyethylene terephthalate. Microwaving food in plastic film containers does cause the phthalates to migrate into the food, so it's certainly possible for it to leach into the water when heated in the car, although it certainly wouldn't be anywhere near the boiling point. In reviewing the environmental safety literature, it appears that exposure from bottled water is negligible, but exposures from food are much higher. So, there is no way to avoid all phthalates, as they are in the air we breathe, the fabrics we sit on, the skin products we use...... I generally avoid microwaving plastic wrap, but I eat lots of Stouffer's, so I'm not sure how it evens out!
4. The only thing I recommend as far as diet is to make sure you get 5 servings of fruits/ vegetables a day, keep fat calories to no more than 30% of total, and eat whole grain carbs vs refined as much as possible. I also recommend organic rather than "regular" fat as much as possible (butter, oil, cheese) as fat holds more pesticides, etc. Horizon and Organic Valley make a good selection now, and Weaver Street Market has a lot of the local producers if you can't get to the farmer's market. Celebrity Dairy makes some really nice soft cheeses in addition to their chevre. Though these must be consumed with the appropriate delivery device (eg crusty French baguette) and beverage (preferably alcoholic of the grape or grain variety) :-)
5. absolutely we can write --should we mail to you?
6. What do you mean, an African or European swallow?
Cheers!
Heather
Health Update VII (the tumor gets a name...), sent 9/12/7
Well, chemo round 2 is done (ding ding!). Dr. Shaw’s nurse said the tumor is noticeably smaller…good work troops!! That was so encouraging to hear. I can’t tell anymore myself because I have been stuck so many times, resulting in swelling etc that I forget what it felt like before all this started.
Speaking of the tumor, I have named it. You may all refer to the tumor as ‘Cindy’ from now on. I had to deal with Cindy and her inane ramblings again yesterday. This is the woman who stuck me twice two weeks ago, resulting in my first squeamish almost pass out. As she drew blood out of my hand yesterday she made obvious kvetching noises and declared that ‘this great big tube is just collapsing your poor little vein’. How inappropriate is that?? Why would anyone say things like that in front of a patient? This is the person I am trusting to be the professional; I don’t want to hear that she is having problems!! I asked Miranda (the research study coordinator) to make sure she never draws blood from me again. The moment she called me from the door I had a great desire to bolt like a rabbit. This woman talks non-stop about whatever stream of consciousness nonsense occurs to her, and I declared to myself if her work resulted in more than one needle stick yesterday I was going to request a different tech. Miranda went ahead and declared the amount of blood in the tube enough for her needs and spared me the confrontation. She also brought me a granola bar; very funny and thoughtful of her!
Other news: A.M. and I broke up last week. It’s not terribly surprising, as we had been dating only two weeks when I got diagnosed. Nonetheless I did spend a lot of last weekend doing some self indulgent wallowing. It made me feel a little more ‘normal’ having a boyfriend; now I feel like dating is not really an option while I am going through this stuff. It was not a bad thing, I am not angry or anything….but my entire family and several close friends are outraged and indignant on my behalf which is nice! Thanks all! You can do my dirty emotional work for me; it saves me the trouble. =)
Otherwise things have been very good. I have been feeling very good…I was bummed about chemo today because I have been feeling so well. (And because it’s creepy, scary and awful….) The exercise study is going very well; I really enjoy the bike workouts. I got to meet the PhD that is running the study, and he was this adorable young British guy. (Married….boo!) I take walks on the days I am not biking and overall I feel that staying active is making a big difference. My yoga teacher started a new series this past Monday and I went ahead and signed up for the all the classes. I’m still working on fitting yoga and meditation into my daily routine; something I want to do anyway and feels that much more important under the circumstances.
People just keep reaching out and giving and giving. A good friend took me out to a very fancy dinner party last weekend which I just loved. I found small gifts at my desk at work twice this week. I find cards and gifts in my mailbox almost daily. I went to church and lunch with three women from the UU church I attend. They have kind of adopted me and taken a very personal interest in getting to know me and offering support. Another woman from my church showed up at the clinic today and spent a long time chatting with me and my Gram and Aunt. She is a great resource because she has worked in the cancer clinic for Duke in different capacities for years, and now volunteers there. I have so much food in my freezer I won’t need to cook for weeks. My family is braving the stressors of long distance travel to be here with me in my home. The CEO of my company, J---, came to my desk and had a chat with me last night. That was really touching to me, that he would take a little time out of his busy day to check in with me. We both had some tears as we spoke. He has four daughters, and he was deeply touched when I told him how much my co-workers are reaching out. I work for the most amazing company in America. I am so proud to be an employee of this company.
This is only a partial list…I could go on and on. I feel so loved, protected and lifted up by all of these things. I intend to spend the rest of my life giving back in any way I can when this is over. I will never be ‘glad’ I got cancer, but I will always be awestruck by how generous every community around me has been. The best advice I got from the get go was ‘let people help you’. (That, and "Stop having cancer", from my friend C---)
Okay…I will stop with the mushiness! Here is a funny thing I heard this week. Someone referred to having a “Coyote Date” which I had never heard of, so I asked her to explain. She said “that’s when you get drunk and spend the night with someone; the next morning your arm is pinned under them when you wake up and you have to chew it off so you can escape w/out waking him up.” HA!!
***actually, this was one of the ramblings of Cindy the evil blood tech....she's not all bad, just not very professional!!***
On that note, I am going to take a nap now. My Gram is going to fry chicken and make salad and I don’t know what she does but I have always LOVED her fried chicken. So when I wake, that will be waiting for me.
I salute you.
Much Love,
M.J.
2nd Chemo Tomorrow, sent 9/11/7
Please direct all your positive universal energy my way tomorrow morning, as I undergo my second chemo treatment. I will be with my Grandmother and Aunt B--. Remember troops, we need total shrinkage! Shine up those religious symbols, cleanse those auras, perfect those mantras, or simply think those most lovely and positive thoughts. I need YOUR juju.
You as always have my deepest appreciation. I don’t know who I would be with out all of you.
Much Love,
M.J.
Health Update VI (blood, action, good advice), Sent 9/5/7
Poke, prod, stick, scan, *thud* (the sound of me passing out). This cancer experience has apparently weakened my disposition on the sight of my own blood! (Details to follow….this is the teaser to keep you reading)
So, this week so far I have had a couple of appointments at Duke. Yesterday I was there early to do stuff for the study I am in. They did a test where they took ultra sound pictures of the veins and arteries in my right arm, before and after a blood pressure cuff was inflated on it for 5 minutes. Then, there was the option for themto take more pictures after I took a nitroglycerin tablet like they give to heart condition patients, but because this was ‘optional’ I opted out…the idea of it seemed creepy to me. I am committed to being a part of research, but I don’t want to do things they don’t strictly need of me. When I asked one of the doctors along the way what they felt their facilities offered me one of them said “the opportunity to participate in research” and that sort of stuck with me. It really is a privilege of sorts to be a part of studies that may improve the way a condition is treated for future patients. It gives you a sense of giving back or a sense of ‘if anything good can come of the fact that I was sick’.
After having my veins stared at, I did my 30 minutes on the bike and went home and got ready for work. I worked almost a full, normal day after that; I had a friend joke with me recently “I’ll bet you have never been so glad to work a full day before” and that is so true. I miss my boring life. I miss getting up, going to work, coming home and having to decide what I am going to do that night. The funny part is, I have never taken better care of myself than I am now. Now, if I don’t eat a lot of really good food, and exercise as much as possible and get lots of sleep and keep as positive as possible then the effects are immediately noticeable. I wonder if there are any studies where they ask you to sit on your couch and eat chips? Like, as a control group….
Today I had another MRI and another mammogram done at Duke. I found out they were doing the mammogram specifically to see if UNC had put a metal clip in the tumor site when they did one the biopsies while I was with them. They did not find one; it’s apparently something done routinely when chemo is the first step b/c if the chemo is really effective in dissolving the tumor then the surgeon is not sure where to operate unless they have that clip to go off of. UNC did not put one in. I couldn’t help wondering why they didn’t just ask someone at UNC if they had; I was never told that they did and frankly if they had put something inside my body without telling me I would have been really pissed.
(added to blog: very funny comment from my co-worker T.H. on this point: Duke not trusting UNC… that gave me a chuckle… ever hear about this game they play around here with an orange ball? Ha. But seriously, they are very thorough at Duke for a reason. )
So, while getting prepped for the MRI I had to get another IV, and the dude that put it in had a pretty heavy hand. It hurt a lot, and when I looked down when he was done there was TONS of blood: on my arm, on some gauze, and most horribly all over this pillow he had me resting my arm on. So…I almost fainted again. How embarrassing is this!? I had to lay down, drink some water…they took me to the MRI machine in a wheelchair, and then when I was trying to get ready to get into it I had to ask the tech to help me to a couch so I could lay down again. She called in a nurse who gave me juice and crackers. He said sometimes when an IV is put in a nerve is hit that causes these symptoms….I almost hope this is the case because if it’s just plain old girly squeamishness then I am screwed. Needle sticks and blood are going to be a way of life for me for many months to come. I also had not eaten before hand….who knows? Suffice it to say that I felt like the neediest person in the world this morning. As always, everyone was very nice, and respectful and helpful and I got through it. I do have a big nasty bruise on my arm to show for it. (wah!) I also got the great news that they don’t see anything that worries them in my right breast (strike…what is it now 5? For UNC who wanted to do a right side MRI guided biopsy…I am SO happy Duke does not want to stick any needles into my other boob)
So….all this good news: Not genetic, not hormonal (which is good and bad…good b/c it means that birth control pills, my bodies own natural hormones, pregnancy, etc are not causal; bad b/c it limits treatment) and most of all no sign of cancer spreading! (applause) So, for all medical intents and purposes this is a random, unexplained event. No one can guess as to why I got cancer. But as I have already said, I am not angsting over that right now.
Tomorrow I go in so they can put a metal clip inside the tumor….bummer, my left boob was finally starting to look normal again. Now they want to beat up on it some more. Advice to all: don’t get cancer. It really sucks.
Yesterday the “meals for M.J.” program got underway here at work. I was joking recently with A.M. “People are real nice to you when you get cancer. I should have done this years ago!” In seriousness though, it is amazing that so many people want to help, and this is such a practical thing to get help with. I am so busy, tired, distracted, and generally overwhelmed that something as simple as fixing myself a good meal is one less thing I have to worry about. It’s so generous! I am so lucky to have such good people fighting for me! You are all getting purple hearts….or whatever is the highest honor for your valor. That, and yachts….you are all getting a yacht one day. One for each of you, not one you have to share.
Next week is my next chemo; word on the street is that my Grandmother is coming for this one. I’ll be sending out requests for all those prayers, meditations, and good vibes to be focused on that day. We want total shrinkage, nothing less! Can we do it troops?!
Much love you all and a smart, military salute!
M.J.
MORE GREAT NEWS!! Sent 8/31/7
This is WONDERFUL!!
Love you!
M.J.
***added to blog post***
After I got this email from my doctor I experienced joyful, tearful hysterics for I think the first time in my life. I called my mother and father, a friend who had just left my house moments before, my boyfriend, I ran over to my neighbors house and threw my arms around him after telling him; My friend and health care provider A.O. also called right in the middle of it, and she invited me over to her home for dinner, and she and her family took me out for Loco-Pops to celebrate. I cried and cried and cried...all of it for joy. I felt for the first time since I got the news that I have cancer that I really and truly have a chance of beating it, and coming out on the other side cured.
Health Update V, sent 8/31/7
Well, this has been an almost dream like week. My mother and uncle were here with me from Monday afternoon to very early this morning which was such a joy. My uncle cleaned, rearranged my furniture, bathed my dogs and hung curtains in my bedroom. My mother shopped and cooked for me, which I love her cooking so that was so wonderful. She especially made me soup which is my favorite comfort food of all time.
I got some really good news yesterday. My genetic studies came back and my cancer is NOT genetic. This is good on many levels: 1. My sister is not at any larger of a risk than any other woman. 2. If I can and do have children after this, they are not at a higher risk. 3. Most women opt for extremely radical surgical options if they find that they have the genetic predisposition; I can strike this off my worry list.
It does not answer the question of "why", but I am honestly not that focused on that question. I am more worried about "how"...how will I continue to get through this? There are still some questions not answered, but that wait should be over soon as well.
Today I did two staging studies, a CT Scan and a Bone Scan. Because I have an anaphylactic allergy to snails (escargot) I was required to take three doses of Prednisone over last night and today. One at 8pm, 3am, and 8am. When I got up for the 3am dose I basically did not fall back asleep. I stayed in bed and tried to be restful, but I was mentally awake. I am also taking post-chemo drugs that include a steroid, so I was pretty jacked up this morning. I dropped my mom and uncle off at the airport, stopped home, went to Duke to do the exercise bike at 7 am, then went straight to the clinics to have blood work and the scans.
The scans were pretty exhausting. I had to be injected with more radioactive material for the bone scan, and for the CT scan I had to drink this nasty, chalky lemonade type drink (two big cups of it...yuck!) and be injected with contrast. The contrast injection makes your whole body feel flushed and hot for about 30 seconds and then you have to drink TONS of water for the next two days b/c it can hurt your kidneys if you don't flush it out properly. It just sucks....I know I have to do this stuff but these are the kinds of things I would NEVER choose to put into my body. Radioactive, toxic substances. It's very hard for me, 'ms. natural as I can be' to do this stuff. I have to keep reminding myself that they need to do it, so they have all the information to know how to treat me. I know this....it's just hard.
I also got a call that Duke wants to do another MRI, because they felt that the MRI materials that UNC gave them were "inadequate". Anyone that heard me bitch about what a terrible experience the MRI at UNC was will join me in a 'gee not surprised' feeling. I am once again certain I made the right choice to move to Duke. They have been stellar, and very personal all at the same time. Even today, the woman going over the Bone Scan with me told me she is a breast cancer survivor and she was very encouraging and gave me a hug.
When I got home today my dear friends B.J.K and S.K. had sent me a "Cozy Quilt". It is an apparently Christian organization that sends these darling little quilts to cancer patients to take with them to treatments (which is such a great idea...the hospital is always meat locker fresh with the AC and I am always kicking myself for not bringing a sweater, in August!). It included a book and a really nice little card. If anyone ever wants to send a really thoughtful token to a cancer patient in their life, this one really got me. Thanks K's!
My family is working to keep a steady trickle coming here for my chemo appointments. My parents are even talking about bringing their camper back down here to leave it outside my house for visiting relatives to have a place to bunk in since my house is so small.
The offers of help, support, the cards, emails, visits and small gifts I have received so far, they have all meant so much to me. If I have forgotten to thank anyone for writing, or sending something I am sure you know it's not personal. These things are always the brightest spot in my day. Even just a one line email. Thank you!
Much love,
M.J.
first chemo day, sent 8/29/7
Well, today was my first chemo. It went well overall. It was a long day. I got in early, around 8 am and did blood draws and such. Then around 9:30 my mother, uncle and I met with Dr. Shaw who answered some questions I had and talked with us for awhile. I have not yet told you my SIGN FROM GOD I got this week about Dr. Shaw. She sent me an email that said “Your email address (the hotmail one, not the work one) is from “The Hitchhikers Guide, isn’t it?” She is literally only the second person in about 10 years of me having that address who knew what it was w/out me explaining it. I almost fell out of my seat. She told me that she has been reading those books with her daughter and they both love them. When Dr. Shaw came in today she brought me a towel that she and her daughter had painted “Don’t Panic” on with fabric paint, and her daughter also insisted on a little pink ribbon on the bottom (she’s 5 btw). I was extremely touched and amused by the gesture.
I also got a second visit from a woman I met yesterday named P-----. She made a special trip to give me a care package that included a number of pretty scarves and bandanna’s, some Danactive and Activa. She told me that she consumes one each of these a day and she so far has not gotten a cold or anything from the lowered white blood cells/ immune system issues. There was also a booklet and (TMI ALERT) about a half bottle of a stool softener. She said “They don’t tell you about this so much, and I recommend you take some now.” I first met P----- yesterday while I was having a really dreadful morning getting blood drawn for an exercise study I agreed to be in. The phlebotomist tried to stick me twice in the hand and each time said “Oops, almost blew your vein honey!” and while I was sitting there looking at my two bandages I almost fainted. I actually think it was squeamishness, which I am not prone to! I was very surprised. I had fasted the night before and also had not drank enough water, so they helped me to a bed and put an ice pack on my neck which revived me, and after TWO more attempts (and allowing me to eat a banana and drink some water) they got the blood drawn. Then I had to get a PET-Scan which required a 5th needle stick, but this was after food and copious amounts of water.
Anyway, while I was laid out on the bed the research coordinator Miranda brought P----- in for me to meet. She had just finished up the exact study that I am starting. She introduced us and I got really emotional and cried, which made P----- and Miranda cry (it was a total girl moment). She is the first local person I have met face to face going through this, she is half way through her treatment and she looks great. It gave me a lot of hope. She loved the exercise study and talked it up and she offered to have me over to her horse farm to pet her ponies and just have someone that’s going through it to talk to. She is so nice, and her care package nearly elicited another bucket of tears. Good ones!
The research study (minus the horrible blood drawing start) is really cool. I was in the athletic lab (K-Lab I think it’s called, named after the Duke coach) and I was hooked up to an echo-cardiogram machine, and this huge awkward thing they put on my head that I had to breath through my mouth into while peddling a bike at higher and higher resistance. The test measures your gas exchanges and can determine your exact level of fitness, which allows them to tailor an exercise regime that is specific to my body exactly. It’s something the average fitness person would not have access to due to cost. The funny part was that the two girls running the study kept giving me affirmations like “That’s good work, M.J.! You’re keeping a great pace! Good Job!” I told them later that I wanted them to come to my house and do that when I like, get my dishes done. “You washed your dishes, Good Job!!” They called me later to let me know that I was randomized into the exercise group (yay!) so 3 times a week I am supposed to go in and meet essentially a personal trainer on the bike. The purpose of the study is to see if resistance training, which opens up your veins and increases blood/oxygen flow will help chemo to shrink the tumor faster. It’s pretty cool, and actually offers a small compensation of up to $100 in Target Gift Cards. This is big, b/c 99% of studies offer no compensation at all. I would have done it either way, but that’s a nice perk!
But back to today: So after my visit from P----- and Dr. Shaw, Dr. Shaw’s nurse came in. She examined me and talked to me about what was going to happen in the treatment room and gave me lots of information on the drugs I am receiving as well as a stack of prescriptions for possible side effects.
Then we checked into the treatment area, got a pager and walked to the Pharmacy to get my prescriptions started. Then we went and ate lunch. Then we sat in the waiting room for probably another hour or more before they got us in. The treatment room is not what I expected. I thought I would be in a semi-private area like behind a curtain in some relative quiet. But the room is actually open, with recliner style chairs for the patients, flat screen tv’s everywhere and chairs for relatives. You are treated in an open area along with other cancer patients. Nurses, techs and volunteers mill around. It’s a very busy environment. A really sweet older volunteer came over and talked with us for awhile and gave me a book and some other useful tips and such and just generally offered moral support. She was treated there several years ago for breast cancer herself.
After my treatment (which was preempted with anti nausea meds) I really felt pretty normal. I went to the store afterward with my Uncle, but half way there he took over driving b/c I was starting to feel tired. Then we got to Target and I discovered I forgot my wallet, so when we went back for it I sent him back without me and took a nap. Then I ate some dinner and logged onto work for a few hours. I did get a bit of nausea during this that lasted about 10 minutes and I did throw up (TMI again); I took one of the meds they gave me and I have been fine the rest of the night. Tomorrow I go in for a shot to boost my white blood cells, but so long as I still feel like I do now I plan to work a full, hopefully uninterrupted day tomorrow…woo!!
That is essentially it. It was not a bad day at all, just long.
Much love to you all. It’s lights out for me. Goodnight!
M.J.
FW: pics, sent 8/28/7
Soldiers,
After a certain amount of whining on my part, A.W. sent me a few of the pics from our adventure on Sunday. Thanks A.W.!
You are the soldiers in my army, helping me to fight. This was for me, of course but it is also dedicated to all of you. When my hair grows back it will be a good kind of secret, always there to remind me of this struggle and all the people who helped me get through it.
Please pray, meditate, or send your good vibes/thoughts/juju tomorrow around 10:30 a.m. I am getting my first treatment.
All my love and appreciation,
M.J.
the armies of those I love, sent 8/27/7
Yesterday I shaved my head, and tattooed it with a little help from my friends. A.W. sectioned it off into 10 inch ponytails and cut it so I can mail what was usable to ‘locks of love’, then E.P. shaved the rest off for me, pausing briefly to give me a Mohawk for about a minute. A.M. (my boyfriend) was also in tow, providing me with sips of water as we did this in my extremely hot spare room. Then the four of us headed over to Dogstar on 9th street. E.P. went first and got lines from an Emily Dickinson poem on the back of her neck, and then it was my turn. But, the tattoo artist M---(who looked like Trent Reznor and Victor Van Dort had a baby) who was this incredibly sweet natured guy was feeling too squeamish to shave my head for me, so E.P. stepped in again and took the Gillette to my scalp for him. He actually told me that he has no problem shaving the heads of big burly men, but in my case he perished the thought of hurting me. It was really sweet….he also gave me a pair of black latex gloves after I ooohed and ahhhed over them, and how fashionable they looked with his all black apparel. He did a really beautiful job on my tattoo, and let me get a dorky picture with him even though he was clearly uncomfortable (hence the Calvin-esque silly face he pulled in the photo).
I want to apologize for not calling everyone I invited in the first place; this ended up being a bit of rush job and A.W. and E.P. were SO enthusiastic to bring me over to the shaved head and (as A.W. put it) ‘tatty’ side that I ended up keeping it a small affair in the name of time saving. I want to say that they made an event that I was looking at with some dread and apprehension into an unforgettably fun afternoon. I also would like to say that much to my surprise and delight I do not have a bumpy, weird looking head! I actually look pretty cute w/ a shaved head. =) Lucky me! (I would like to thank genetics and the fact that I was born breech for their part in this…thanks Mom and Dad and McGee’s women’s hospital!)
My mother and Uncle N--- are coming to town today to be with me for the week. Although the circumstances stink, I am looking forward to the visit. Chemo starts on Wednesday. My oncologist told me that in her experience patients with a ‘triple negative’ tumor like mine always achieve full shrinkage of the tumor when they ask their church or religious community to pray for them. So anyone who prays, please pray especially for me on Wednesday.
Pictures of yesterday are forthcoming!
Much love to you all!
M.J
my oncologist rules!! (email between me and my doc)
Hello Dr. Shaw,
First, I have decided to move the remainder of my care to Duke; I loved meeting you and talking with you. You as well as everyone else feel like the right fit for me. It was the first time I came out of a Dr. appointment feeling uplifted, save my acupuncture visit. Thank you!
I have some questions. When S---- was making my appointments for the CT scan she asked me if I am allergic to shellfish. I told her I am highly allergic (anaphylactic shock) to snails (escargot), but I can and do eat all other types of shellfish and seafood. Despite this I have been asked to take Prednisone. I don't want to take this unless it is strictly necessary; what do you think?
I am taking a lot of supplements. Three of them were recommended by a man who makes them locally named Dr. Narula. I have some information sheets he gave me about them, and I can fax them to you if you like. His email is:
anarula1@nc.rr.com and I know he would be amenable to you contacting him if you want to. The names of the supplements: Ganoderma, Clear-Win, and Itis-Care. I am also taking an extract called Samento (Pentacyclic Alkaloid Type Uncaria tomentosa), Super Lysine, and cod liver oil. I don't honestly know much about any of these things, I am taking them all based on recommendations in the spirit of 'it can't hurt". If you have any thoughts or input on them, and especially if I can and should take them through chemo, please let me know. Dr. Narula, and a number of other resources recommend taking 5000-10000 IU of Vitamin D3 if the cancer is not hormone receptive, which it's not. What do you think of this?
Lastly, the responsible me wants to know if you would recommend against a tattoo this close to chemo. I don't want to get an infection if my immune system is going to be compromised; however I was planning to shave my head and get a tattoo to 'celebrate'/honor the fact that I am doing something I would never do in normal circumstances. I almost didn't want to ask for fear you would say don't, but my practical side won.
Do you think that waiting almost two weeks to start chemo is okay? I'm certainly not eager to do it, but the apparently aggro nature of mine has me feeling afraid.
Thanks so much!
Take Care,
M.J.
****Her Reply to me****
M.J,
First -- Definitely get the tattoo! Only 2 requirements-- It must be something cool, and you must show it to me once you get it :-) If you do it this week or early next week, there will be no problem and we can always cover you with antibiotics if it looks red.
Second -- Looking into the "shellfish" allergy situation --this worry about "iodine" allergy causing seafood allergies dates back over 20 years and has since been disproven in the literature. That said, they won't let you get IV contrast if you have a history of a shellfish (including snail) allergy without the prednisone prep. It actually is not too bad --just will make you a little jittery, wide awake and hungry. Good for late night house cleaning. I've tried to fight this one before, but the only way to get around it with Radiology is not to have the shellfish allergy.
Third -- re Dr. Narula's supplements --I am very familiar with him and I will check out the ingredients. They are definitely high quality. There are a couple of supplements that I do like --one is curcumin with piperine, the other is milk thistle, particularly Siliphos. The Ganoderma is definitely fine in combination with chemo and I'll cross check the others with chemo interactions (luckily, my husband's specialty!) I'll check into the vitamin D combination. The big key for you is that we are trying to cure you of this cancer and don't want to have anything interfere with the chemo efficacy. If we can find some supplements to enhance it, those would be perfect (for example, triple negative tumors often (70%) over express a protein called Chk1, so I'm looking in the literature for chk1 inhibition activity in any supplements).
Fourth -- I was hoping that we could get you started with the AC this coming week, but didn't know if there was a conflict in your schedule. We can certainly put you on for the 29th and get the scans afterward.
Finally -- we are very happy to have you and I'm honored to be on par with Ken Morehead!
Heather
PS -- My daughter's former teacher and now good friend has my favorite tattoo --a lotus flower. Very cool. Or you could go with the dancing hula lady.... (JK)
Health Update IV, sent 8/23/7
Good morning,
M.J.
Health Update III, sent 8/22/7
Hello,
M.J.
Health Update II, sent 8/20/07
Hello Everybody,
Health Update, Sent 8/9/07
First of all, some of you will be hearing this news from me for the first time with this email and I want to preemptively apologize for this. Last Tuesday I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and this past week or so has been very overwhelming. I would love to contact everyone personally but retelling these details over and over has become very exhausting.
The details that I know so far are these: It is called Ductal Carcinoma, there are three grades and I have the highest (aka worst) grade. I do not yet know the phase of this cancer, which as I understand it measures how progressed it is, or if it is spreading to other organs etc.
I am currently in the UNC system here in Durham, and I spent most of yesterday at the hospital talking to people from a number of different disciplines who may or may not be involved in my care. So, I spoke to a radiologist, a geneticist, nurse practitioner, surgeon etc. It was an information overload, mostly there to give me information and an opportunity to meet the people who will be working with me, ask questions, make contact etc. I am having the genetic testing done (providing my insurance covers it, which it should) but all the statistics are against this being the case other than my age. (Breast cancer is apparently extremely rare in women under the age of 40, but more cases that do have it also have one of the genes for it.) Next week I am scheduled to have a breast MRI done, and a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy. This biopsy apparently gives everyone more information about if the cancer is spreading etc. After that the plan they have proposed is to do chemo, followed by surgery, followed by radiation. They want to do chemo first to shrink the tumor, and make it more likely that they can save my breast.
My primary care person at the wellness center I go to for check ups, A.O. , is setting up appointments for me to go to Duke Hospital, and also to see a homeopathic MD so I can get some other perspectives on this. I have had several people tell me that Duke is the best, but I have heard that UNC is also excellent so I am not beholden to either place right now. I very deeply want to incorporate natural medicine into this as well, but I doubt I would ever be convinced to go full tilt that direction. Realistically the care plan they have so far mapped out is probably how it’s going to proceed.
I welcome any and all feedback, personal stories, advice, anecdotes, etc that anyone has to offer. I need and want input. Your thoughts, prayers, and general good juju are all also very much appreciated.
I have had people streaming out of the woodwork asking me how they can help. It is overwhelming and I am deeply grateful for this. So, here is what I know I want/need right now:
From my family: I very much want a lap top computer. I have not had a home computer for years, which has made me feel somewhat disconnected, but this situation brings that to a pitch. I would like to request that as a family; perhaps everyone could pool together and get me one for my birthday. That would be the most practical “thing” that I could want and use right now.
From everyone: I need your support and I need contact. Please take me out, keep me busy, keep me laughing. Drop me emails, call me, tell me bad jokes, get me drunk, come to my house and play games…whatever. The worst times I have had with this are those when I am alone and stewing in my own juices.
E.S. here at my work has offered to organize preparing and delivering food to me if I want and need that when I am doing chemo. Please contact her if you want to participate in that.
I am not making any assumptions about anything; I am grateful and open to that offer and any offer of help I may need with little day to day stuff. The good/hopeful news I got yesterday was that many many women are able to work through most or all of their treatments, but they are more tired than usual. I will be monitoring how I feel but it is my deepest desire to work full time and maintain as normal a lifestyle as I can. I intend to reach out to every resource available to me: friends, family, the church I attend, work, neighbors…I am awash with gratitude for the offers of help that have flooded in my direction.
I apologize for how long this is; I will send these out when I have news and try to be more brief. In the meantime please feel free to ask me any questions. The big form letter thing is not my way of saying I don’t want to talk to each of you individually. This is just my way of getting all the news sent out in one big slimy gulp. If any of you do not wish to get these emails please say the word; I will not be offended or hurt. If anyone thinks of someone I may have overlooked, please say so.
Stay in touch, and thank you all for being in my life.
Much Love,
M.J.
Cindy The Tumor
P.S. The posts get a little more positive after about Health Update IV...the first few reflect I think my overwhelmed and information shocked senses.