The princess has left the box and entered the maze

Soldiers,

This will be my last mass email missive indefinitely. I want to express my appreciation to all of you for being on the receiving end of these communications. They have been therapeutic to write, and your responses, encouragement, and the sheer knowledge that I as being heard were invaluable to me.

Most of you already know that life for me is basically back to business. I returned to work in early March, and the reintegration has been happy and smooth. I am insanely busy since my return; back to balancing my work with my many outside interests and my friends and boyfriend. (Yep, A.M. and I are back on for oh…the 10th time? Who’s counting really?!) Life is good….Life is so so beautifully, painfully, impossibly good my dear sweet army. This experience has altered me forever. I am with out a doubt a different person for it. The biggest change, I think, is that I really feel everyday what a gift it is to be here, to be alive and healthy, and to just wake in the morning and live my day intentionally. I literally thank God everyday for these privileges; I am often overwhelmed with utter gratitude for the simplicity and complexity of the day to day.

Okay…you can put the barf bags away now. I’m done with the sappy stuff! GROUP HUG!!!

So,what’s going on with my health stuff? Well, as I outlined in my last email I am currently taking a plant derivative called evodiamine. It’s kind of like an herbal form of chemotherapy. It even gives me very mild hot flashes like the chemo did. I also take a fistful of other supplements daily, see my acupuncturist monthly, prepare and eat my food in a very deliberate fashion, and exercise every day. I am in regular contact with my oncologist, and she will be monitoring and advising me throughout. Am I 100% sure this is going to keep cancer away forever? No. I will never be completely certain that it won’t come back again. No cancer patient ever gets that guarantee, unfortunately. However, I very deliberately choose to not live my life in fear. It is always hovering out there for me ~ the choice to live in fear. Also, the choice to undergo more intense treatment options. They are always waiting, and as I have expressed before I am grateful for this. I am not a radical; I will not stick to a protocol that is not working. I can live with and accept the consequences of my choices because they came from my instincts, my heart, and my values. My goals? To be on Oprah, fielding questions about how I managed to stay cancer free while thinking outside the medical world box. To live to be 101, with family, friends and loved ones around me until the day I choose to move on to the hereafter. To live my life taming fear, and making it work for me, and not me for it.

What’s next? Well, I signed up for a very intense acting class on the Miesner method and that begins in April. I am VERY excited about it. I am training for a woman’s triathlon in October. I continue to study yoga with my amazing teacher. My family is taking a vacation together in May to our favorite place on the planet, St. Maartin. I continue to work for the coolest company ever, and live and thrive in Durham, a town I utterly love. I plan to look more seriously into returning to the classroom in the coming months, and taking advantage of the tuition reimbursement program my work offers. I am ever growing.

Oh yeah…my hair has grown back! Woo! It’s really short, but has grown in enough to look deliberate. It in fact, looks really awesome! I get 10 times the compliments on it ~ including from total strangers and as we all know these are best kind ~than I ever did before. That rocks! Now I just look like an edgy bad ass chick. Or my favorite: A silver fox, baby!!

As I said, I will no longer be sending out these mass emails. However please feel free to keep in touch! I will also keep my blog going. I don’t know what direction I will take it in down the road, but it’s been fun having one and I will probably still update it from time to time as feels relevant.

Soldiers, I salute you.
At ease.

Love Fabulous Love,
Princess PadM